I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
