a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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