My sheets look like a crime scene.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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