I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
