...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
