No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
