is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
