It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
