I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
