Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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