My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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