you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
