just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
