She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
