Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
