nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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