how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
