Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
