Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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