Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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