Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
