Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
