remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
