I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
