When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
