Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
