Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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