can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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