I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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