And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
