GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
