Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
