I CAN MOONWALK!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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