I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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