): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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