Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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