There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
