Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bring me that man meat
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
