I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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