Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
