Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
