Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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