i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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