Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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