I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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