I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
