I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
