Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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