If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
