Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
