Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had to cum in my sink.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
