i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
