Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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