Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
