After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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