I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
