someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
