Come see our sink grown plant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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