like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's blow job season.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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