He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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