Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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