At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
