how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
