I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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