my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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