She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
