her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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