I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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