he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
where are my eyebrows?
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